Playing Doctor

The continuing log of trial and error.

After 64 hours of the 84 hour Vivelle Dot at .05, I was beginning the downward slide – and I never got adequate relief. Mood and energy improved slightly, though not enough (have I mentioned how much I hate crying in public, especially during business type meetings?), but the majority of the physical symptoms continued (muscle and joint pain & aches, dry mouth, dry eyes, irritation & pain of mucous membranes, etc) with only the slightest relief. By last night, I could feel myself sliding down again, into the pit.

I’m trying the .0375 and the .05 together, for a combined dose of .0875.

On one hand, I feel as though I might be rushing things, being impatient with the process – I had really wanted to try staying at the .05 dose for two full cycles, which is only a week, after all; on the other, the last time I tried that when I could *feel* things starting to go south, I ended up in desperate straits. I’m just so tired of being in pain; I miss *me*.

My experience thus far has been: wild rollercoaster ride with the generic at .0375, with the ‘ups’ being wonderful, feeling my ‘self’ again, and the ‘downs’ being beyond dismal (aka wildly uneven dose uptake); almost no relief with Vivelle at .0375; and very slight relief with the Vivelle at .05 – a much gentler arc in general, but definitely not enough.

Intellectually, I can see it’s been under a month, and I should expect it to take some time to get it right (especially coming from a period of severe depletion) – emotionally, it’s a different story. I almost think the ‘good’ periods with the generic, where I felt myself, make it harder to accept or acknowledge the more subtle changes that happen with a more even dose. I want to be back *there*, where I didn’t hurt and felt ok about my life and could *do* things – and I want it *now*, dammit… I’ve had *months* of stumbling in the dark and barking my shins on every possible edge, I want it *over*.


P.S. One delightful effect of all this mucking about with dosages that I’ve failed to mention: I’ve been breaking out like a madman. Yes, my *body* may feel like I’m 90, but I’ve got the complexion of a teenager again!

Just to add insult to injury…


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