Double plus good

The .0875 didn’t quite cut it – I managed to last 78 hours without a major breakdown, but I never got full relief, and things were definitely slipping by the end (the patch should last  84 hours, so a bit short). So, I’m double patching it currently, two little bits of sticky tape at .05 each for a total dose of .1. As Ron reminded me, the goal is to feel good.

I have a tendency to want to make the goal staying with the dose the full 84 hours, even when it’s obvious to me that it’s not meeting my needs, so it’s been really good to have that reminder. I want immensely to be a good patient, and most especially I don’t want to alienate my doctor, who is already going a bit out of the normal procedures for me – so it can be hard for me to remember that the goal is really not to make the patch last the full time limit, but to feel good (and keep the dose as consistent as possible).

Keeping that in mind, I found myself slipping down again this morning, only 48 hours after applying the patches – and for the first time I didn’t wait for things to get worse, but put another two on.

I also put a call in to the office, to let them know I’ve been self adjusting my medications, and I’m hoping they won’t view that too harshly. I’ve been keeping careful track – made a little chart up with symptoms down one side, days running across the top, and I track doses and times and all; I’ve been doing this as methodically as I know how, stepping up the dose by increments; and this feels *right*, if still running a bit short.

I feel my *self* again – or pretty close to it. There are still some physical symptoms, though lessened; I’m not quite up to my usual energy levels; but I’m closer to *me* than I’ve been in a while.

It’s nice to be back.

In celebration and appreciation of that renewal – I’ve started the long overdue deep cleaning of the house. Two rooms done so far (the easy ones, kitchen and bedroom); four to go. There will be order once more – as long as I have estrogen.

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